I woke up this morning and looked at you. You were sleeping so peacefully as you do most mornings. I scooted you over (because you like to snuggle close to me) and you stretched and tooted your little lips out. You quietly went back to sleep. I stayed still and thanked God once again for blessing me with you. I then cried. Brooklynn, you have completed turned my world upside down. It’s amazing how someone so small can make such a huge impact. I thanked God for our first Mother’s Day together. I know that today is just a “day”. Everyday is really Mother’s Day. I don’t need this day to remind myself how much I appreciate you or for you to recognize me. I know that you appreciate me. You show me when you reach out for me, when you make a funny face just to get me to laugh, when you do your inchworm army crawl really fast when I walk out of the room just so that you can “see” me. You show me when you scoot next to me during the night when you want to snuggle close, when I nurse you and you show a sigh of relief, when you get excited to see me when I come home from work. I know you appreciate your Momma. Everyday I tell you over and over just how much I love you. I just can’t help myself. I want you to really know that but I don’t think you’ll understand it until you have your own child. I know I didn’t really get it until I had you. I think if children knew or could feel the amount of love we have for them the world would be different. I knew growing up that grandma loved me. I never doubted it. Now that I have you I truly understand how she feels. How much she REALLY LOVES me. If I would have known this or felt this I don't think I would have done or said some of the things I did to her growing up. Now I appreciate her so much more. I hate that it took for me to become a mother to get here though.
I love you with all of my heart little girl. You are truly the best thing that ever happened to me.
Before I was a Mom
I slept as late as I wanted and never worried about how late I got into bed.
I brushed my hair and my teeth everyday.
Before I was a Mom
I cleaned my house each day. I never tripped over toys or forgot words to a lullaby. I didn't worry whether or not my plants were poisonous. I never thought about immunizations.
Before I was a Mom
I had never been puked on. Pooped on. Spit on. Chewed on. Or peed on. I had complete control of my mind and my thoughts. I slept all night.
Before I was a Mom
I never held down a screaming child so that doctors could do tests. Or give shots. I never looked into teary eyes and cried. I never got gloriously happy over a simple grin.
I never sat up late hours at night watching a baby sleep.
Before I was a Mom
I never held a sleeping baby just because I didn't want to put it down.
I never felt my heart break into a million pieces when I couldn't stop the hurt.
I never knew that something so small could affect my life so much.
I never knew that I could love someone so much.
I never knew I would love being a Mom.
Before I was a Mom
I didn't know the feeling of having my heart outside my body.
I didn't know how special it could feel to feed a hungry baby.
I didn't know that bond between a mother and her child.
I didn't know that something so small could make me feel so important and happy.
Before I was a Mom
I had never gotten up in the middle of the night every 10 minutes to make sure all was okay.
I had never known the warmth. The joy. The love. The heartache. The wonderment.
Or the satisfaction of being a Mom.
I didn't know I was capable of feeling so much,
before I was a Mom.
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